Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
