Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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