bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
