Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
