Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
