no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
