she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
