ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
