I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
