He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
