just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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