Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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