So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
