he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
