You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
We got so high we made milksteak
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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