If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize