You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
