i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We're too hungover to prance.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
