We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
