she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
