I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
