Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
