pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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