how can u be prego again
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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