y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
