if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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