Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
