addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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