You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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