I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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