She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I need to stop coming to work sober
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
