i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
