This girl is more easily done than said...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
