i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
