sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
