2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
