I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
