Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
