I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize