She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The Olympian is in my bed
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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