i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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