I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
