I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
