What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
