Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
