This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
