Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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