YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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