i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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