tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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