im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
