we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
