apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
