You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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