I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
