addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
