I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
