my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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