I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
