Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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