420 ftw
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
