I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
