ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Still dying that you shit outside
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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