i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
