I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dick very happy bro
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
