my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
