We won't sleep together?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
