Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
