Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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