If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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