You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
